Lull

Thailand appears to be on hold. Something is telling me not to go yet. I don’t want to start again when I get back…with no job, no flat, no money e.t.c. But this is a lull and I’m not happy about it. I don’t feel like I’ve lost the courage to do it though. Sometimes it’s actually more difficult to stand and face reality than to keep running.

I have made the most of this quiet time by catching up with old friends and reading books. Had two unsuccessful shopping trips as well. What on earth is going on with fabrics at the moment? Silky animal prints? Black and white prints…again? Clothea are getting absurdly large too. Size 6 is now too big for me despite the fact that my BMI is completely normal. I was recently advised to visit the petite section of Topshop. Unfortunately the trousers are three inches too short for me.

Snowflakes

I am in a small village just outside Cardiff visiting old friends and still thinking about going to Thailand to teach. I’m actually more or less snowed in at the moment, or at least the prospect of a twenty-five minute walk to the station is keeping me indoors.

Sarah and I are going for a Thai meal tonight, all this thinking about Thailand has got me reminiscing about Foxy Tours and Thailand was where it all started.

I have actually spent the last two days running around Cardiff with my ex “boyfriend” from the uni days. It was very nice to know that after all the fuss and drama that i went through over him, I can still have a good time with him as a friend and I feel I know him better now than I ever did then. We went to see Blood Diamond at the cinema last night and I thought it was brilliant. It has certainly boosted my feeling that there is more to the world than the UK.

Message

And just to confuse matters, an ex of mine, who is very sexy and who has recently left the marines, has just invited me to Cardiff and it turns out he is also going to Thailand in the next few months. We hadn’t spoken for months. Today was a day of dilemmas.

Thailand?

 I was shocked to discover that I had not touched my old blog for a year. It was a travel blog and I was very attached to it, but it’s no longer relevant. I promised myself that I would update it every time I went abroad and invite friends to do the same. Then the time creeps up on you and you realise that you have done nothing that you said you would do. So, here is my new blog, I chose this site because everyone seems to think that it’s the best.I have just found out that the company that I work at has signed up for a new service that will probably result in redundancies. I’m not supposed to know about this, but I have found out and I have also checked it out. It’s not a secret as there is information about it on the internet, but only a few of us know. Last week, we were issued with a new handbook, because the company has recently been taken over by a private equity firm. The handbook has a section on redundancies and it is worded in such a way that people already suspected that redundancies may be imminent. My job is probably safe, as the new service does not provide the editorial work that I do. The manual work is going to be affected and this will put some of my friends’ job at risk.However, this is just another thing in a series of events that are happening to me at the moment. am at stalemate with the book I am writing. Most of my friends have left London, moved in with boyfriends or got married. I am not ready to settle down like this and as a result I fel alienated from them. The guy that I have been seeing for a few months is about to go back to where he comes from. I knew this on the cards, but I ignored it and now I am facing up to it for the first time.

I have come to the conclusion that now is good time for a change. I need to stop depending on what other people are doing and do something that revolves around me and that I have complete control over. I have been saying that I will go abroad to teach English for months and months as I just haven’t been happy since returning from my round the world trip a year ago this month. I have been having a premonition for a while now that I m not going to be at my job after this spring. I have known that something is going to happen.

Today, I picked up a booklet on voluntary and paid projects abroad, which has been under my sofa for months. I opened it and a light went on in my head. I actually phoned the company and asked for some information about teaching in Thailand. I got so excited that I came online and started looking at flights and people’s stories about teaching abroad. I have got absolutely no reason not to do it, which is giving me butterflies as I really think I might do it.