Contradictions

It’s it possible to love someone and hate them at the same time?

How can someone hurt you without having any idea that they have done so?

And how do you decide between your feelings and your pride?

Inches

I resent the term “real women,” which seems to be applied to larger women, by larger women as a way of alleviating the pressure to look like models. That’s fair enough, they’re are tough act to follow, but it does imply that those of us who were born thin, or who work hard to be thin, are somehow virtual, or perhaps plastic. Like it or not, there are ordinary women in the world who are naturally slim and beautiful and perfectly real.

I have all but given up my short and relatively fruitless modelling career because, quite honestly, I don’t want it enough to go through the hell that models go through to do well. It doesn’t matter who you are, you can’t please everyone. I had one photographer tell me I was short, crooked-nosed, double-chinned and “problem-legged.” Another, responding to the comments, was horrified and immediately arranged a shoot with me to prove otherwise. Yes, I did have to get down from a size 10 to a size 6 before I felt comfortable modelling. But I am 5′4 and my BMI has always been healthy. At 8 stone 3, (on a good day!) I am perfectly happy with my figure and I have decided that if it’s not good enough, I am not going to change to fit the current mould. That’s my choice, I don’t chastise anyone who decides otherwise, instead I admire their determination.

People complain a lot that high street retailers do not stock fashionable plus size clothes. I’m sure there would be an outcry if they stocked clothes for anorexics. If it is just as dangerous to be overweight, as it is to be underweight, stocking clothes at the higher end of the plus size scale could be seen as condoning dangerous overeating. I  understand that some people have medical conditions that make them big and they should be entitled to decent clothes like anyone else. However, I do think it is fair to say that very large people are unlikely to feel comfortable wearing the full high street range, so just making the clothes in bigger sizes won’t help. At the same time, introducing a separate plus size range may not make economic sense. At the end of the day, fashion is business, it’s not going to be fair and people will get left out.  I have no hips so I sometimes actually need clothes from the petite section, but those are too short. Therefore, I have to take up nearly every pair of jeans I buy, even though I am of around average height. I get over it.

The only thing we can do is find our happy weight. This is the weight at which we feel attractive, healthy and comfortable. Whether that is a size 6 or a size 18, it’s perfectly ok if it works for the individual. And if that’s the size we choose to be, we must be proud of it, even if we must accept the implications.

Stone

 Just got back from Bath/Bristol/Stonehenge with the guy who is about to leave. We haven’t seen much of eachother recently after officially ending it around mid February, but, as we work together, we easily fell back into the old routine. I thought that a couple of days away from London alone together would be a nice way to say goodbye, although I still can’t imagine him actually being gone.

 The intention was to spend a night in bath after looking at the stone circle, but when we got there, there was no accomodation, due to a half marathon. So we drove to Bristol and spent the night in a hotel in Clifton, Bristol, before going back to Bath, which is one of the most beautiful cities I have ever seen; I have a weakness for all things Georgian.  The Roman baths were incredible, I really hadn’t expected to be so atmospheric, something spiritual has certainly survived. 

 And now back to London…and brick.